The first day of real snowfall in Toronto. Two rad dudes, labelled immigrants by their housemate of Jamaican descent, put on their shoes, double down the fire escape, embracing what they see as quintessentially "metal". Now they find an old chevy van, older than themselves, remnant of a time when a Jew named Woody would put his "Impeach Nixon" pin on, and go see Ingmar's new, Viskingar och rop.Times have changed, we now get amp'd to go see the new bond. Some things, however stand the test of time: snow and old vans, still spells, Canadiana.
What else makes me feel a little Canadian inside, only to hide it with racist slurs:
Chevy Silverado - Canada's Best Truck, a phallic symbol and the cornerstone of Canada's dependence on America, which is only held from shining truly by commie barnacles, also known as Unions. *cough* scum!
Caesar Sourdough Croutons - In a recent revelation, I have set aside my former distaste for this, the indisputable pinnacle of whiteness, and am now fully committed to putting little pieces of bread on my salad, and further dousing it in Zesty Italian. I need to subsidize this for the folks back home. Damn you US embargoes!
JD Blue Collar Love - Put on your flannel jacket and let the good times begin! Everything from arm-wrestling to black people is fair play!
Molson Canadian Rules - This should have really been added to my assimilation kit, I'll have to sit down with Mitchell and go over the nitty-gritty of what's expected by any respectable Canadian male (He's really the go-to-guy when it comes to the essence of being white. Example, he calls me Taj and thinks I'm an Ay-rab)
Trading Caaaards -
You will walk in the cold for it, while you've got perfectly marinated drumsticks in the fridge.
You will stand in line with schoolkids for it.
You will stand in line with Black schoolkids from the Jane and Finch area for it.
You will walk all the way back home to enjoy opening the shiny packaging, as the Guv General pursues a profession of small talk with navy folk, and Harpie looks on.
Yes I am talking about the NHL Trading Cards, pictured above, and sold at your local Macdo!
Cooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaach!
"But the water's just getting good"
4 comments:
Stupid blogger.com! My entire comment was suddenly deleted. I hate technology. Here's the gist:
The Silverado would be a farm boy's hippie home in Iowa if it weren't for Canadian petroleum.
"Upper Deck" is the only legitimate hockey card brand. Only schizo gangsters like Coolio and Donkey purchase Mac cards under the belief that the player on the card is their next "hit".
they are upper deck cards....the ignorance
You should start growing a beard now so you can store your Upper Deck Mac cards in it during the post-season.
Pseudo-Upper Deckers.
I mean the original shit--not a player standing in front of the Golden Arch.
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